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05 January 2012 @ 10:40 am
dragonmelodies: Five Pierrots Plus One (1/2)  
One last entry that livejournal enjoyed eating! Thank you again!

Title :Five Peirrots Plus One
Author: dragonmeoldies
Pairing(s) (if any): OT5, Jaemin, Yoosu
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A song to love, a song to hate, a song to set you free. Melody and harmony that tear us apart only to put the world (plus us) back together.
Warnings (if any): Some violence, death of OC character (not sure if that should be a warning really)
Word count: 14 974w

Five Pierrots Plus One
Friday, September 30, 2011; 10:32am; An article in www.allkpop.com
TVXQ! and JYJ last free day
The new hot news in the world of K-pop has been revolving around the infamous TVXQ! split. It seems that the 5 boys that were once part of the five member group known as TVXQ! will be back together for 2 years to complete their military service.
There were two announcements made on the first of this month, the first from SME in relation to the current TVXQ! duo composed of U-Know Yunho and Choikang Changmin stating that the two would be going on a two year hiatus to complete their mandatory military service. Just a couple hours later much the same was announced about the duo’s 3 ex-band mates now known as JYJ.
There has been some controversy over whether this was planned or not however it was quickly confirmed that this was an unexpected coincidence. When asked both companies confirmed however that this really was the best time for their singers to get this lugubrious task over and done with and so the plans have stayed. All five will enter the military on the same day (tomorrow). It is still unknown however weather they will attend the same camp or not.
Today is officially the five’s last free day for two years. While the TVXQ! duo will be hosting a small send away concert in Seoul while JYJ will be taking the day off. We are wishing all five good luck and anticipate their comeback stages in two years time. HWAITING!

Saturday, October 1, 2011; 9:33pm; from the eyes of Shim Changmin
You sit on the bed in your dorm legs swinging from the second level wondering who your other roommates will be. You quietly pray for the impossible and wait as the minutes tick by. The door opens letting in a voice all too familiar waft over your ear. Your head snaps and you find yourself face to face with his. You heard them call his name during roll call, you knew he was in your camp, what you didn’t know was that you were sharing a room with him.
You’re not sure whether to jump with joy or curse the world. This was too fast too soon. You weren’t ready to deal with this; you’ve doubted whether you’d ever be. How do you deal with the man you’d loved for as long as you could remember when he just up and left you those three long years ago? You tried to be mad, to get over him but it was easier said than done. After a while you gave up, instead you accepted the fact that you loved him and would love him for the rest of your life whether he returned the feelings or not.
You’re ecstatic to see him again; you’d missed him dearly, to the point where it had physically hurt but at the same time you were still mad. You still don’t understand the man’s logic. Why he had to leave, why he couldn’t just have stayed, why things had to fall just when you’d reached the top?
You see the other two standing behind him, staring at you, disbelief spelled out on their faces.
“Changmin,” your name slips from between his lips.
You narrow your eyes and glare at him, having been effectively snapped out of your daze.
“Jaejoong-shii, if it isn’t you?” you say bitterly.
He gulps but takes the challenge. He steps into the room and places his bag on the bottom bed.
“It’s nice to see you again Changmin-ah,” he says, sad smile playing at his lips.
“Is it really? Wouldn’t know since you never called.”
“I couldn’t I’m sorry, you know how much we change numbers.”
“You got in touch with Yunho-hyung just fine though,” you accuse.
He looks down in guiltily. “That was luck Changmin-ah, nothing more.”
“Don’t speak to me as if you know me, it’s been 3 years. People change.”
“That’s true, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t get to know each other again.”
“And what makes you think I’m going to give you that chance?”
“I wasn’t thinking - I was hoping Changmin-ah.”
You stare at him, at a loss for words. The hurt in his eyes is plain, his emotions transparent as always, and your heart squeezes. Part of you wants to hug him and just give in already but he hasn’t earned that yet. You let out a snort and look away admitting defeat for the moment, only to meet the eyes of the other two.
Then Yunho appears behind them his face painting over in surprise, worry and his own pain. You send him a halfhearted smile, the others catch it and turn to see their ex leader. He give the other three a watery smile and you can see he’s already forgiven them.
“I suppose seeing you three here means we’re back to sharing a room huh?”
They smile at him and nod, Junsu is even so brave as to step up and give him a shy hug. He returns it and soon the four men have gathered in a group hug, tears spilling here and there as they familiarize themselves with old friends. Yunho catches your eye and you glare at him. You roll over on your bed and decided to call it a day, it’s late anyway. You turn your back of the other men and face the wall. You feel your own quiet tears soak into the fabric of your pillow.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011; 10:01 am; CNN News report
This just in! South Korean president Lee Myung-bak’s plane crashed last night. He was coming home from a visit with US president Barack Obama, when his plane suddenly lost contact with ground control over near the coast over Chuncheon province in the east of South Korea, near the North Korean border. The plane was spotted by locals and rescue services were on the site within the hour, however there were no survivors.
The plane itself was blown to pieces and there investigators have found tell-tale signs of blast damage, indicating either a bomb on the plane or it was shot down. Seeing as it was a private jet many have jumped to the conclusion that the plane was shot down. The South Korean media is blaming North Korea at the moment for the incident though there is still no concrete evidence to back this accusation.
The world is now watching the Korean peninsula with careful eyes to see how this situation will develop and hoping that the situation will not get too chaotic.

Thursday, November 3, 2011; 8:04 am; from the eyes of Shim Changmin
You walk into the mess hall for breakfast and grab one of the newspapers from the table by the metal double doors. You carry it to your table and sit down. Soon enough you are joined by the other four. You would avoid them but you know really know anyone here and were never a social butterfly to begin with so you bury your nose in the newspaper and ignore what they say. You haven’t spoken to any of them since that first day unless absolutely necessary (like that time Yoochun almost walked in on you in the shower).
You’re about to flip to the entertainment sector when the headline catches your attention. Kim Jong Il admits to having shot down Lee’s plane you read, a sense of dread settling in the pit of your stomach and it has nothing to do with the badly prepared tea served in the army canteen. You skim through the article and it only makes the feeling worse, your quarrel forgotten in the pit of bad news from the newspaper you speak up forgetting everything else.
“Guys, you remember yesterday’s announcement of the Lee’s death, the plane crash thing and the moment of silence?”
The other four turn their attention to you, surprise spelled out over their faces.
“Yeah, what about it?” Yunho asks quietly.
“Well, North Korea’s admitted it was actually shot down,” you grimly reply.
“What?! Have they lost it? Why would they do that?!” Junsu blurts out half yelling at you and you resist the urge to twitch at the over reactive boy.
“Well, they apparently claimed that the plane had passed over the border and had not identified itself giving the country the right to shoot it down, which is partially true. If a plane going over the border, is told to leave and it doesn’t they can shoot it down.”
“But they must have known it posed no threat?” Yunho asked quietly.
“They probably did,” you reply still too calm for the situation as the dread starts to set in.
“So then why…?” Jaejoong finally ask. You watch his eyes narrow and you can practically see the gears turning in his mind, all their minds actually.
A deadly silence settles over your little group. Yoochun and Jaejoong’s eyes widen with shock moments later and look at you with disbelief. Yunho mutters a quiet ‘no’ seemingly unable to come to terms with his conclusion, he to turns to you, eyes pleading you to deny his conclusion. Junsu is looking at you confused, too innocent to understand and you have the urge to smile at his blissful ignorance wishing you could be like that too. You don’t smile though because this is no time for laughs. You look away from their demanding eyes and pray that this is some nightmare that you’re going to wake up from soon. Your gut twists painfully already wondering what it will be like to actually have to kill someone.

Friday, November 4, 2011; 8:04 am; from the Globe and Mail
South Korea Sends Ultimatum for War

Saturday, November 5, 2011; 10:01 am; from the Globe and Mail
North Korea Refuses Ultimatum Stating That the Terms Are Too Outrageous

Sunday, November 6, 2011; 10:01 am; from the Globe and Mail
South Korea Attacks Small Village In North Korea; the Second Korean War Is On

Monday, November 7, 2011; 10:01 am; from the Globe and Mail
UN Security Council Calls for a Truce between the Two States

Tuesday, November 8, 2011; 10:01 am; from the Globe and Mail
Chinese Official Announcement To Back Up North Korea Is Out

Wednesday, November 9, 2011; 10:01 am; from the Globe and Mail
North Korea Advances With Unnerving Footage From the Front Lines

Thursday, November 10, 2011; 10:01 am; from the Globe and Mail
US Joins to Support South Korea - WW3 Now In Full Swing

Friday, November 18, 2011; 10:01 am; from the eyes of Shim Changmin
It’s raining again and the dirty ash filled water soaks your cloths through, the cold doesn’t stop there though it soaks through your skin and settle in your bones . You’re shivering by now. The cold’s set in too deep to shake off by shivering yet your stupid body doesn’t understand and keeps shaking. You stretch your arms and legs which are stiff from sleeping upright and look over to Jaejoong, he’s still asleep by some miracle but you notice that he’s shaking.
You forgave the raven haired man and your other former band mates on your first day on the battle field. It was the first time you saw someone die, it was a shock that jarred you out of your foolish stubbornness because you refuse to spend the limited time you have on this planet fighting over foolishness. You’re not so stupid as to waste what could possibly be your last chance to be close to the man you fell in love with all those long years ago (just how long, you don’t even remember). Nor are you foolish enough to pass up the friendship and comfort the other four provide either.
Shuffling over and wrapping an arm around his shoulders, he leans in unconsciously and snuggles to your side. A gentle smile touches your lips and you pull him a little closer. Part of you knows there are other soldiers looking at you but then you think What does it matter? Most of us probably won’t make it out alive anyway. You cringe at the thought and note that if you believed in God you’d be sent to hell just for thinking it. You don’t though, so you hold Jaejoong closer and close your eyes.
You wish away the mud and water, grime, shells and guns. You imagine you haven’t killed those 47 men (you’ve kept count) and that your hands were clean of blood. You imagine you are still innocent and happy and you squeeze Jaejoong just a little tighter because these days Junsu, Yoochun, Yunho and Jaejoong (particularly Jaejoong) have become the only reason you hold on to your sanity. Although it’s questionable just how much of a stable connection to earth they are considering Junsu and Yoochun cry every time you go over the top, Jaejoong sleeps every moment he gets and Yunho - well he’s put up the leader front again and when all else goes wrong, he stays by you all. You write yourself a mental note to thank him after… if there is an after, but you decided not to think about that. It’s too morbid, even for you.

You don’t know how much time has passed, but one after the other you feel three more bodies join your little huddle with Jaejoong and your lips pull up in a small smile. The moment doesn’t last long enough (it never does and never will) and you hear your commander yell at you to prepare for another attack. The other three let go and you lightly shake Jaejoong awake and hand him his gun giving him a weary, bitter smile. He smiles back at you with sad eyes and you jump over the sandbags charging the enemy together.
Instinct takes over you and everything rushes by as you run. The other four are near yet too far and you keep going because you can’t lose them.
You shoot and dodge. Hit and miss. Kill as your heart dies bit by bit.
53 you count.

Sunday, November 27, 2011; 10:01 am; from the eyes of Kim Junsu
You huddle with the others and wait for the pain to fade, wait for the tears to stop. You feel Yoochun’s tears soak through your uniform and you know yours are soaking through his. You feel Yunho rubbing your back gently, watch Jaejoong falling asleep leaning on you and Changmin who’s ruffling Yoochun’s hair.
This is all that’s kept you going for the past couple weeks (or is it months? you’ve lost track by now). Their warmth and comfort in this cold, bloody place. You’ve realized that you don’t care about your country all that much anymore, the only reason you go over the top (the slang term you use for jumping out of the trenches and attacking the other side) is because if you don’t they’ll shoot you here instead. You’ve also realized that Call of Duty is nothing like real war.
You hear the lieutenant’s voice behind but don’t bother to turn around, you stopped caring about authority a long time ago. Yunho turns his head though, and you listen to the words exchanged.
“Jung-shii, the captain’s looking for you.”
“What for?”
“I don’t know, he just said it was important and that you and Kim-shii’s, Park-shii and Shim-shii need to see him straight away.”
You hear him sigh and feel him turn his head back to your little huddle. “Guys we need to go see him,” he whispers and pulls away. Yoochun pulls away too, brushes your tears away then takes your hand. You return the favor and look over at Changmin who’s gently shaking Jaejoong awake (this seems to have become his job). The elder groggily wakes up and Changmin whispers into his ear then leads him after the lieutenant.
You walk through the trenches, filled with mud that’s half water, half dirt and half blood. You walk past fallen comrades being buried in the sides of the trenches without so much as a second thought. You make your way from the attack line and into an area behind the trenches. Your feet hit hard ground for the first time in weeks and they ache in protest, a sure sign that they’re probably swollen from the cold and wet.
A worn beige tent looms in front of you. The two men guarding the front flap set it aside and the five of you step in one after the other following the lieutenant. You spot the captain and some other men gathered around a table over run by maps and written sheets of paper you guess are reports.
“Captain Kang, sir, I’ve brought them.”
You all salute the man.
“Ah, thank you Lee-shii you are dismissed.”
The lieutenant salutes then leaves. The tent’s inhabitants all turn to you. Some four men minus the five of you and you gulp because they are all higher ups and it feel as if you’re back in high school being called down to the principal’s office for a reason you can’t pinpoint.
“Ah, so you’re the ones the general was looking for, the famous idols that have now been reduced to mere foot soldiers,” the captain says with a harsh bitter laugh.
You shiver at the hacking sound and thread you fingers through Yoochun’s. You feel him squeeze back. You sneak a look at him and he’s glaring at the man and you hold back a smile that threatens to pull at your lips. You look at the others: Yunho’s face is stone, Changmin’s glare mirrors Yoochun’s but with even more fire in his eyes (he was always a little too snarky for his own good you muse), and Jaejoong who’s just barely awake doesn’t really seem to give a damn.
“Well, looks like your fame is going to be paying off again,” he sneers.
“What do you mean, sir?” asks Yunho a little too politely.
“The General has ordered that you be brought to Head Quarters.”
“May we know why, sir?”
“I would tell you but unfortunately I haven’t been informed either,” he says sarcasm weighing heavily in his voice.
“Do we have any choice in this or not?”
A bitter laugh. “What makes you think you have any choice in what you do Jung, or has the entertainment industry spoiled you that much?”
“I didn’t think we did, sir, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.”
He glares at your friend and you quietly grab his hand and give it a light squeeze. You never envied his job as the spokesperson; it’s scary enough singing on stage never mind having to make up some impromptu speech to some bazillion screaming fangirls.
“Lee, come and escort these five to the helicopter,” he calls out and the lieutenant that brought you re-enters the tent with a salute then leads them out of the beige clothed command center and even further into camp. You follow in a line: Yunho, Yoochun, you, Jaejoong and Changmin in the back keeping his hyung from falling asleep on his feet. You’re not really sure how far you walk into the encampment, but after a while the chaotic sounds of battle that you’ve grown so used to fade.
The mud stops all of the sudden and you’re now on a dirt path paved by too many feet and wheels. You hit a large clearing with a helicopter in the middle. It’s blades spin, buffeting air onto you, pushing you back but the lieutenant signals you to get on and you do. One after the other you clamber in with yourself somewhere in the middle helping a drowsy Jaejoong on and watching as Changmin stuffs himself behind him. You are each handed a headset to put on and before you know it you’re in the air flying away from the mud and guns to a place you don’t know.
You’re smashed between two bodies and you find the situation oddly comfortable. Jaejoong nods off on Changmin’s shoulder and you give the younger a smile. You lean your head against Yoochun and watch the ground move past somewhere below.

Same day; 2:17pm; from the eyes of Jung Yunho
You watch as Changmin pulls Jaejoong out of the helicopter, then as Junsu and Yoochun clamber out after them hand in hand and a small smile pulls at your lips. Your mind momentarily wanders to how perfect they look, how well they fit together and when you’ll find somebody to fit hand in the way Jaejoong fits into Changmin’s, or Junsu into Yoochun’s.
The thought is quickly brushed away by the gruff voices of guards and men that escort you from the helipad on the roof past a door and through winding hallways. You walk in front of the other four, being the overprotective hyung you tend to be in these situations and follow the men as they walk in their heavy uniforms guns strapped to their belts. You half wonder if they’ve ever even used those guns or if they’re just for show. Your thoughts are cut short however, when one of the men opens a door and motions for you to enter. You look back instinctively and four pairs of eyes meet yours. You turn your head back and march through the metal door. On the other side you find a man sitting behind a desk in a military uniform riddled with so many badges that its starting to look like a vibrantly patched up quilt. The others enter after you, line up, and together you salute the man you identify as the general of the South Korean forces.
“Welcome,” he says in a low bass. “How have you been, Dong Bang Shin Ki?”
“We’ve been well, sir,” you answer with more confidence then you feel.
“A pretty lie I see.”
“Would you really like to hear the truth then, sir?”
“No, I don’t think I do, thank you Jung-shii.”
You bite back the bitter words at the tip of your tongue and just stay silent.
“I suppose you’re wondering why you’ve been summoned to the Head Quarters of the South Korean Army,” he continues with a stupid rhetorical question and you itch to just tell him to get on with it because you’re tired and worn out and know you have no say in anything anymore (as if you ever did, murmurs a voice in the back of your mind). “Well, you see our scientists have been working on a project we need to test it and the only people with the training to do this are you five.”
“And why would that be, sir?” you ask tone controlled as emotions swirled through your body.
“Why don’t I let the scientists explain, after all they really do know more about it than I do? Dr. Kim.”
A man enters the room and goes to stand beside the general’s desk.
“Well, I suppose I’ll just to get the point. A couple of colleagues and I have been working on a project called ‘TONE’ for the past 3 years. Now to explain you’ve all heard of singers breaking a glass with just their voice correct?”
Nods from all around.
“That is an effect of resonance. When the singer hits the right pitch they amplify the natural frequency, so the natural set of vibrations in the glass add up until the glass can no longer handle the pressure anymore and breaks. Are you with me?”
More nods.
“So, what we’ve been looking at is how far we can take this exact technique. How we can amplify a human’s voice so that it breaks not just a glass but more. Surprisingly, we found that with a bit of technology, and some human talent it’s possible to break just about anything.
“The technology is comprised of detectors, a microphone and some speakers built into a headset and a pair of gloves. Given this, you would brush your hand over a brick wall and the headset will play a note, which would then be sung into the microphone. While singing you would place your hands onto the brick wall and speakers in the gloves will amplify your voice into the brick causing resonance. Continue it long enough and the wall will eventually crack and break.”
“In short, you’re telling us to go around and use this technology to collapse important enemy buildings?”
“Yes, that would be the gist of it,” replies the general.
“And why can’t you just send a plane to bomb the building?” Jaejoong says as he straightens up, aberrantly past sleep mode. You half wish he hadn’t said that, or at least not with that much arrogance; it’s not good to have your boss mad at you from the first day.
“Because you will be a special unit. It’s difficult to send a plane into densely populated areas and such. This will be more efficient.”
“So we’re basically going to turn into terrorists for you?” Changmin throws out and you think the boy is really is too smart for his own good.
“No, of course not. You’re doing this for your country and the happiness of its people.”
“I’m sure that’s what they told the suicide bombers that brought down the Twin Towers too.”
The entire room is staring at Changmin as if he’s grown a second head, you included. ‘Since when did he have the guts to oppose authority like that?’ you ask yourself.
“Boy, you would do better to shut it now. You know what the army does to traitors.”
He stares at the general with knowing eyes but says nothing more.
You look at the others to grab their attention. In each of their eyes you read the same questions: ‘Is this worth it? Will they trick us too?’ You all know that none of you have the answers but in a way it’s comforting, strangely warm, to be able to just ask, even without being given an answer. A moment later you grab all their attention with your eyes and tell them: ‘Don’t worry, we’ll be fine, we’re together after all.’
You turn to the general and push the words past your vocal chords, wondering how badly you’ll regret them.
“Fine, we accept the job.”

Monday, November 28, 2011; 10:28pm; from the eyes of Kim Jaejoong
You collapse into the bed and savor the clean softness under your skin: clean cloth and sheets devoid of bugs, water and mud. You roll over on your side and cuddle the warm blanket to your chest. You spot Changmin on the bed next to yours asleep already, the slightest of snores escaping his lips. You almost smile but then notice him shaking slightly. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion.
Sliding out of bed, you cross less than a meter’s distance between the two beds and nudge his shoulder whispering his name. He turns, facing you now, and you see his face scrunched up in fear, the dim light highlighting its features.
“Oh Minnie,” you mutter to yourself and silently curse. You thought you’d cured the boy of those awful nightmares of his, guess you were wrong after all. You place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze.
“Minnie, wake up, you’re having a nightmare,” you say, voice just above a whisper, words echoing in the quiet room.
He flings up off the bed eyes open wide searching the room frantically. You note the sweat that covers this body and the fear and disgust running through his eyes. They finally settle on you and you sit yourself down on the bed beside him. You wrap an arm around his shoulder and pull him into a gentle hug. He stiffens under your touch for a moment but then relaxes and moves closer, snuggling against your chest, still too far away you think. Your other arm finds itself around his other shoulder. You quietly start to hum, an old tune, an old song. Too old, too dusty you think to yourself. He relaxes and you leave a feather kiss on his brow as you lay him back down. You’re about to pull the blanket over his frame when a hand catches your wrist and tugs.
He doesn’t need to say anything; words had become obsolete between the two of you a long time ago. A smile pulls at your lips as you slip in beside his warm body and draw the blanket over you both. He cuddles you, chin on top of your head hands rubbing quiet circles in your back. You breathe his scent and listen to his heartbeat. Thump, thump, thump - a steady rhythm. You fall asleep to the most beautiful sound in the world. Life.

Friday, December 8, 2011; 4:27pm; from the eyes of Park Yoochun
Step 1: Get through security
It’s freezing outside. You tug on your coat and tighten the scarf around your neck trying to salvage some of the warmth the wind seems intent on stealing from you. You huff, breath forming a tiny cloud that disappears in seconds.
You push the door open and sigh in relief as the heat surrounds you and thank that even during war time, people don’t mind turning the heaters up. Well, rich people don’t mind it at least. You step up the security gates in the main lobby and shove your bag into a tray. You shuffle through the metal detector then reach to get your bag as it come out of the machine. The headphones are normal headphones, no one questions it. The gloves are disguised inside a laptop that you’ll take apart later. Your shoulders drop a fraction of a centimeter as you pass through without problem and you wonder how the others are doing.

Same day; 4:34pm; from the eyes of Kim Jaejoong
Step 2: Find collapse points
You make your way through the building discussed as a resident geek with giant glasses, baggy, unfashionable clothes, and a map to lead you through the building. You ask people around you once or twice which way to go, telling them you we looking for your father who works in the building. They point the way to the collapse point and the morbid humor in the back of your head laughs at the fact that they are pointing you to their deaths. You mentally slap yourself for thinking something like that. None of the people in the building deserved to die, they’re all innocent, but you don’t want to die either (these are really your only 2 choices, kill or be killed, the law of the world). You only hope that they’ll manage to get out alive.
You turn a corner and finally spot the support column. Your lips twitch up into a bittersweet smile.

Same day; 4:53pm; from the eyes of Kim Junsu
Step 3: Weaken collapse point
You wander through a couple corridors going in circles around the stupid column and keep it up until you spot a time when there’s no one in the hall. You walk over casually and plug in what’s supposed to be your iPod into your ears. In truth it’s the gloves. You brush a hand over the column and it plays you a note. You start singing, lyrics to some random song, then couple notes later you hit the right note and hold it pretending that you’re just obnoxiously singing along with your music. You do this as you lean against the column. The speakers play the note into the concrete and you feel it shake under you and you stop the note. There are a couple of cracks where there were none before and your heart drops into the acid of your stomach and burns.

Same day; 4:55pm; from the eyes of Jung Yunho
Step 4: Install bomb
You bend down and pretend you dropped something. Your back is to the security camera in the corner covering your fingers as they slip out the tiny device. You wonder just how this little thing is going to bring down a building but you don’t doubt it. You stick it beside the column, press the on button and cover it with a gum wrapper. You still wonder at Changmin’s ingenuity of thinking of candy wrappers to cover the bombs. Then again, all that boy ever had on his mind when he wasn’t singing was food and candy so really, the surprise shouldn’t have been that big. You stand up and wander off, heading for the next collapse point.
One down, 19 to go.

Same day; 7:00pm; from the eyes of Shim Changmin
Step 5: Run
You get up and turn your back to the cursed concrete slab. You trace your steps back to the elevator and press the down button. You hum a random tune and look around yourself curiously. It amuses you how oblivious people are. You’re in the middle of WWIII and here are men and women prancing around their little building, gossiping about some scandalous couple from human resources with a terrorist bomber humming in the elevator beside them. The doors ding open and you casually walk out. Not an eye turns. Outside you spot the other four and give them a bitter smirk. You walk away together.
Ten minutes later the building is nothing more than rubble.
An hour later Junsu is throwing up in the washroom, Yunho is dancing furiously in his room, Yoochun is banging against piano keys, Jaejoong is cooking and you are eating his too-spicy-for-humans food. He reaches out to hug you, you twitch away and retreat to the safety of the bedroom you share with Yoochun and Junsu.

Thursday, January 19, 2012; 9:16pm; from the eyes of Kim Junsu
You stumble into your little apartment one after the other. You kick your shoes off, the entrance way becoming a mess of sneakers and boots, no pair together or even remotely organized. Normally Jaejoong-hyung’d scold the you for this but he doesn’t bother with it; at the moment you all feel about ready to collapse. Security’s been getting tighter and tighter lately. You just barely made it out today, only to enter a chase with the army personnel, you managed to lose them in the traffic somehow, but something tells you this luck isn’t going to hold out much longer.
You don’t have the energy to worry at the moment though, so you stumble into the shower after Yoochun. You wash each other too tired to do much more than necessary but you find the older man’s company comforting. He fills a sort of emptiness that’s been eating at your heart recently. He makes you forget the lives lost, the lives left to suffer. He’s warm and comfy, like a blanket, or maybe a life-sized teddy bear would fit him more you think.
Soon enough the two of you stumble out and help each other into sweats, oversized shirts and sweaters. You walk out together and head for the kitchen, spotting Changmin nibbling on a sandwich. You find yourself thinking back to the days you spent together, before the war, before the split. You remember how you used to tease him about his diet and you wonder where the bottomless pit that used to be his stomach went.
He’s been like this for a while, slowly getting farther and farther away from the four of you. Talking less, smiling less, eating less. Jaejoong’s been worrying for a while now but none of you can figure out what goes on in that head of his. He always thought too much, was always the most confusing to figure out, was always the last to open up.
You grab last night’s leftovers and sit down beside him. You give him a goofy smile and stuff your face with food. He sighs shakes his head but you see the grin that pulls at his lips and you hope that he’ll make it through. Find the light you see his eyes searching for.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012; 11:27pm; from the eyes of Kim Jaejoong
You close your eyes and relax for a moment. You feel your stomach grumble and decidedly get up and walk over to the kitchen. You spot Min inside already, scouring your fridge for anything edible and you smile. You pad over, standing behind the hunched over man and look over his shoulder into the fridge.
“Say you want me to cook you something Minnie, I’m hungry too anyway.”
He practically jumps out of his skin at your voice and you wish you could laugh, wish you could pretend it was just his nerves.
“No, I’m alright hyung, I’m not hungry,” he says as he turns and closes the fridge behind him.
“What are you talking about you were just raiding the fridge?”
“I… uhh… I was just looking… really.”
There’s something wrong, worst then the usual wrong. Usually he’d just grab something and leave, now he won’t even do that. Your eye brows furrow with worry and you frown, “Minnie, is something wrong? You sick?”
You step up and put a hand to his forehead, he backs up, stiffens and knocks your hand aside.
Your frown deepens. “Minnie, wha –“
“Stop calling me that.”
“…What? Why? I’ve always called you that…”
“Exactly, its growing old, I’m not little anymore, I’m 24 for god’s sake Jaejoong, stop calling me baby names.”
You stumble back, eyes wide. You don’t understand, you really, really, really don’t understand. He’s never been this distant, never pushed you away like this, never cared that you called him Minnie (he even told you once he liked the nickname).
You hear the bathroom door open and Changmin steps around you and make a bee line for the bathroom, disappearing behind a wall. You stand frozen in place, your brain slowly overloading. Moments later Su and Chun poke their heads past the same wall and watch you. Their expressions quickly grow worried as they see the pain in your eyes and you lower your head in shame. They step into the kitchen then quietly lead you to the couch. You sit down and they each sit on a side, you feel Su’s hand on your shoulder and Chun’s on the small of your back.
“Joongie, what happened, why did Min look like he wanted to punch a hole through the wall?”
“I don’t even know Chunnie, I don’t even know,” you whisper and bury your face in your hands to hide your expression.
“Hey, it’s alright now, I’m sure it’s not something overly serious,” says Su, hand rubbing your shoulder.
“Su, he looked like he wanted to punch me, and I mean really punch me, for just calling him Minnie, I’m pretty sure that’s serious.”
You look up and watch them share a look. They envelop you in a warm hug and you feel a tear slide down your cheek.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012; 10:03am; from the eyes of Shim Changmin
This time you’re going as five. It’s a fake shopping trip on a rainy day. Fake only because after you leave all that will be left of the mall will be rubble. You walk around, Jaejoong leading the way, dragging you in store after store and shoving random pieces of clothing at you. The others are exempt since Yoochun and Yunho have style enough to understand what they’re doing and Junsu is being taken care of by Yoochun (because leave him in a store alone and ten minutes later you’d see him walk out as a living, breathing, eye-murdering fluorescent rainbow).
He makes you try on outfit after outfit, only to reject each one. He pulls and tugs at the cloths you put on and you wonder if this is how mannequins feel. You don’t really understand what he sees in the clothes never mind you but you follow along because you know his judgment in cloths has proven much more popular than your own.
You collapse columns as you go and loiter around the food court at noon getting food.
There’s a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, weighing you down. You try and join in but in the end you end up just watching and laughing along. They don’t take much notice, you were never really that talkative and your anti-social streak has been getting worse and worse lately. They do notice though that you only eat half your fries. They ask you if something’s wrong you shake your head and tell them you just have a bit of a stomach ache, nothing major. They pamper you for a while but eventually get the hint; you want some quiet time so they go back to joking around.
You have just a couple more columns to go when you hear people screaming. The voices come from the doors, exists to the mall, and the dread that’s been lingering all day settle permanently in your stomach. You still don’t understand quite what’s going on but you are convinced it’s nothing good. You cover your face with a mask of calm you’ve perfected over the years of working in the entertainment industry as Yunho speaks, leader-shii-calm settled over him.
“Should we go see what’s happening?”
You nod reluctantly and the five of you join the throng of yelling people. Yunho calls their attention by some miracle (or maybe it’s that elusive charisma he possessed) and asks what’s wrong. A female voice from within the crowd informs you that all the exits to the mall have been locked. Emergency and staff included. You exchange glances with the other four and your subconscious whispers to you an old quote.
“If your attack is going too well, you are walking into an ambush,” you whisper more to yourself glad for the returning chaos in which your words are lost.
Suddenly Jaejoong pulls his phone out and checks the time, 1:28 he says and you all know exactly what’s wrong with that. You’ve got less than 2 minutes to get out of the building before it blows.
“How are we going to get out of here?” asks Junsu, panic soaking his voice like the rain falling outside.
“The only option we have at this point is to blow the glass of the building open and run.”
None of you like the idea but it’s inevitable. You quickly agree to blow open as many of the doors as possible so that at least some of the innocent victims can get out. You push through the crowd and find that demanding voice inside you as you tell them to get back. They follow and quiet down in anticipation.
The five of you touch the glass together and sing. The falsetto rips through the glass like a miniature earthquake and it shakes and shakes until you feel it shatter and scatter under your fingertips. The shards fall at your feet and you take half a moment to watch their broken beauty slice through the air. Somehow you’re unafraid of them and the possible damage they can cause you, almost as if they were telling you something worse was coming and you wish they would slice you through already because you don’t want to know what ‘worse’ is.
The split second passes and you’re jumping through the steel frame of the door and out into the rain. You sprint to the edge of the sidewalk then skid to a stop. In front of the entrance is a line of soldiers, the kind that you killed during your stay in the trenches. Their guns are raised and aimed but at just that moment you hear the building behind you erupt. They become distracted and you take the chance, you grab Jaejoong’s wrist and run. Yoochun pulls out the out the rifle tucked in his bag and comes after you one hand aiming the other pulling along Junsu. Yunho takes the back pulling out his own gun as he runs. You reach the line and ram into a soldier. He fires at thin air as you plow through the line knocking him onto his back.
More shots ring through the air, the sound of falling rain mixing with the rapid rattle of rifles, guns and other weapons. You hear screams but you don’t recognize the voices emitting them so you ignore them until you hear the Yoochun’s rasping voice and Junsu’s high pitched screams run through the air. Your head shoots back and you spot the shorter of the two plummet into a puddle and the raven haired one violently throw his shoulders forward. You feel the air freeze for a moment and watch as your friends fall, blood soaking the puddle red. The moment ends as Yoochun sits up and pulls the other man onto his back as Yunho keeps shooting to keep the army men at bay.
You watch Yoochun struggle onward and turn back to face forward when your eyes meet another line of men. You fumble for less than a split second then run forward again without a second thought. You pull your own gun out and shoot. It hits the man in the thigh and he falls. You jump over the body and move forward, Jaejoong tripping up behind on his two left feet. You pull on his arm and he stumbles forward, panting.
The car you came in is just a couple more meters away when you hear the third yell. This time it’s Yunho’s bass. You turn back and watch the man fall forward, a scarlet rose blooming from his back. You turn and shove Jaejoong toward the car then run back and pick Yunho up off the cold pavement. You run back with Yoochun and Junsu just a few steps in front of you. When you get back to the car you jump in behind the wheel settling Yunho in the passenger seat. You fumble the keys handed to you by Junsu as you tell him to phone for back up and turn the ignition. You’re about to pull out then realize someone’s missing. You find Jaejoong shooting outside, keeping the army men at bay with two guns and an expression that could have killed ten times more enemies then the bullets fired did.
“Jaejoong, get in!” you yell out the window.
“No,” he calls back. “Can’t. They’ll take you before you can get out of the parking lot. Go now, I’ll catch up.”
You want to punch him, of course he’s not going to catch up; he’s one man against a hundred. You are tempted to jump out and drag him in but you know his right, there’s too many of them you will never make it out unless they get some sort of distraction. If someone plays decoy at least the rest have a chance to get out. It’s the bitter reality of war yet you still can’t come to terms with it. Yet you didn’t want to leave. You had let him go once, you were not going through that again, so instead you vow to come back. You won’t let him go again. He may try to leave but you won’t let him, you’ll bring him back.
With that in mind you step on the gas and drive away, water in your eyes that had nothing to do with the rain outside your window.

Sunday, March 11, 2012; 2:11pm; from the eyes of Park Yoochun
You watch letters float across the page his hands hold open for you. You say them, let the sounds trip over your tongue and fill the empty space in the too white room. You attempt to drown the sound of the beeping machine attached to your friend, attempt to forget what you’ve all lost, but for once in your life time the book does you no good. For once reality is too harsh to let go of, it’s too difficult to forget the regret that has quietly settled at the bottom of your soul.
You give up and leave the sentence hanging, unfinished. Looking up your eyes wander over to Yunho’s still form. He’s been like that for three days going on four now and you wonder if he’ll ever come out of the coma. You push that thought away, you can’t take thinking like that; losing Jaejoong was enough, you can’t deal with losing Yunho too.
You turn your head to face the man snoozing on your shoulder. His hands still holding the pages of the book open in place of yours. Your arms lay limp at your sides bandaged in white linen to hide the two bullet wounds that pierced all the wrong veins and nerves. The doctors told you not to get too hopeful; they would do their best but they could not guaranty full recovery. The same thing they told Junsu about his legs. You wonder what’s worse, losing the ability to stand, or the ability to play music.
Just then the door opens to reveal two faces, one old and worn and another new and smiling. Changmin walks over to sit himself on the stool between the two occupied beds while your nurse walks over and places a pillow behind Junsu’s back.
“Well, I see you two are quite comfortable together. Makes me wonder if YooSu does actually exist.”
A smile pulls at the corners of your lips. “Would there be a problem if it did Ryuri-ah?”
“Oh of course not, well maybe later when you get a bit better, I may need to assign you separate rooms but for the moment I don’t see a problem,” she says in her accented Korean with a smile and a wink.
You look over to Changmin and the two of you burst out laughing. It’s been a while since anyone dared to make such snide jokes with you and you thank whoever was listening that your nurse is a Cassiopeia with humor. The head on your shoulder shifts and you look down to catch Junsu’s eyes fluttering open. He looks up at you and asks “What’d I miss?”
You laugh again. “Nothing, nothing, just our resident Cassie nurse making suggestive YooSu jokes.”
He chokes on air with a squeak and the three of you laugh.
Once you’ve calmed down enough Ryuri speaks up again. “Yoochun-shii, would you mind peeling that dolphin off you? I need to rebadged your arms.”
You look down at the man and he slides away with a pout on his face. The nurse then moves over and starts removing the bandage on your right shoulder.
“I’m going after Jae tomorrow.” Three heads snap to look at the maknae.
“Are you sure about this Min?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I can’t wait around, you know what happens to prisoners of war. I can’t risk leaving him again.”
You look him in the eye and see the iron resolve there. You nod reluctantly.
“Changmin-shii. You come back with one patient for me alright? Not two and no dead bodies either. Agreed?”
A hand hovers over your bed. Another takes it dwarfing it and seals the deal. You watch the girl as she smiles at him, with a determination that mirror the other’s and you think after all this is over that she’ll make a great friend if not more for someone.

Monday, March 12, 2012; 9:45pm; from the eyes of Kim Jaejoong
You sit in the corner of your cell curled into a ball waiting for the pain to fade. You wonder how you haven’t died of blood loss, then you note that Fate would not be nice enough to put you out of your misery. She never has, she never will. Your entire body is pulsating with mind numbing pain that you would never have been able to imagine until they put you in here and put you through the interrogation process. Which was really closer to well-coordinated torture than anything else.
You close your eyes and steel yourself, remembering better times, happier days, of standing on stages and singing, drenched in sweat and the fans’ love. You hum a tune and hear their voices ring in your ears as if the life had only been yesterday not some three, four years ago.
You’re pulled out of your musing by the fall of heavy boots. You lock away the memories as to not taint them with the dirty deeds done to you here. You look up you decide you’ve lost it. You’re hallucinating; there is no way Changmin is standing in front of you. He’s back home in Seoul somewhere. He can’t be here. He can’t see you like this. He can’t be here.
Then he kneels and places a hand on your shoulder and it’s too warm, too soft, too Changmin, for this to be a dream. “Jae… Jae… can you hear me?”
You mumble something incoherent. Something about hallucinations and bad dreams. He furrows his brows together in confusion for a moment then a pained chuckle escapes his lips.
“You’re not dreaming Jae.”
“Prove it,” you demand finally semi coherent yet still not buying anything, life is too cruel for this.
His brows furrow again, then a twinkle goes through his eyes and you watch him lean forward and before you can process what he’s doing a pair of soft lips press to your broken ones. The kiss tastes like blood, salt, and Changmin (or more correctly the spicy Korean food he eats on a regular basis). It’s over too soon and your mind goes haywire.
It comes up with all the horrible ends to this situation. Then to the fact that the man you love is seeing you covered in blood, still high on the fake love they forced on you less than half an hour ago. And that the man you love actually kissed you. And that it will probably never happen again (you’re not sure how you come up with that but you’re still a hundred and twenty percent sure of it).
His hands hunt for yours within the sleeves of your prison uniform. Gentle kisses land on the bruised and broken skin and you wait for yourself to faint. You don’t though and the next thing you know you’re on your feet taking instructions from a man two years younger, in the enemy’s uniform who should not be here and somehow your heart is perfectly fine with it (your brain though, is shouting randomness that is so incoherent that even you cannot string it together anymore).
“Jae, we’re going to pretend that I’m taking you to interrogation. You need to walk in front me and act like a prisoner. There’s a helicopter waiting in the forest outside the prison so we’re going to run for the last little bit. I’ll carry you so it’ll be faster that way. Jaejoong can you hear me?”
You nod.
“Don’t worry we’ll get you out I promise.”
You nod and half believe him.

Same day; 9:57pm; from the eyes of Shim Changmin
It kills you to see him walking in front of you, hands and feet in chains, head down. It kills you to see the bruises lining his body, the cuts deforming the tattoo you can see from the torn uniform. It kills you too, to see the blood running down the insides of his thighs. You thank god you don’t run into anyone before the door because you would have probably needed to put something through their head for what they could have potentially done to your Jaejoong.
You step out onto the grounds then head for the main entrance. You tell the guards that you’re moving him to another prison farther into the country. They question you but let you pass by some miracle. You climb into the car that drove you here and start the engine just as one of the guards calls after you to stop. Yells that it’s not in their system. You smirk and pull away from the gray building and drive down the remote mountain road. Ten minutes into the drive you hear their back up. A little too quick for your liking but you’re almost there. You speed up then stop abruptly on the side of the road. You scramble out pulling Jaejoong after you then pick him up in your arms.
You run into the bush on the side of the road and follow the white markings you left on the trees this morning as you carry Jaejoong into the forest. You hear shots being fired but they hit the trees and you thank god that you are a good runner. You may have been too tall for the cameras, too awkward for the dances and too lanky for the manager’s liking, but you could run and that’s what you do now.
You’re not sure how much time passes, or how much distance you cross but the rattle of guns is getting steadily louder and for a moment you start to doubt whether you’re going to make it. Just then you see the lights of the helicopter between the trees and you put in a last burst of speed. You feel Jaejoong’s hands fist into your shirt as you break through the trees and into the little clearing. You jump into the back of the flying metal machine just as the enemy makes it through the trees. The blades above whirl, rhythm picking up, and soon you’re air born. Bullets bounce off the metal beetle and you tug the man in your arms just a little closer.
You look down to be met with dark doe eyes watching you as if you’d grown a second head.
“See I told you I’d get you out,” you say in his ear with a smile. He shivers then closes his eyes and you wait until his breath evens and you’re sure that he’s a sleep. You whisper those three words you’ve been keeping inside for years now.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
You feel your breath hitch. “W-wha—”
“I like men, I have for a long time if that’s what you’re asking.”
“No, I sort of guessed that. I just… I didn’t think you… I –I don’t really know how to say this but… I feel… dirty.”
Confusion paints his face in the dim light. “Why?”
“All the destruction, killing, everything. It feels dirty, my voice feels disgusting, I don’t even want to sing anymore.”
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me? You don’t think you’re worth it?”
You look away. “I know you’ve been doing the same thing but still, it feels gross.”
He wraps his arms around your waist and snuggle even closer to your chest.
“I thought I was supposed to be saying that.”
“I’m sorry, I’m stupid.”
“No you’re not, you’re too smart. You think too much, care too much, love too much.”
You thank the night for hiding your blush.
“Changmin, I love you and nothing’s going to get in my way.”
You smile. Words, such fickle things, every meaning hidden behind them has a second, has a third.
“I love you too.”

Part 2